Hello mortals, my name is Oswald McHorsiepants and I'm a magical fairy princess unicorn! I live in the remote rain forests of Canada and spend my days writing facts on your snapple.
I eat cookies in the shppe of penises and poop sunshine dust.


age: 42, but I prefer my lovers to be under the age of 18. I like 'em ripe and juicy.

vamp/wolf/human/other: UNICORN.


vegetarian or meat-eater: If penis cookies count.


siblings: Yes, I have 8 siblings, Ennis, Angus, Gaylord, Optumis prime, Rick, Dick, Princessglitterfunshine, and Little Cocksucker.


appearance: I'm 8 feet long, pink, and covered in glitter. I also have a nine inch horn that squirts magical unicorn mayonnaise!


personality: Sexy.


goals: To make Oliver kemp hang out with me and eventually love with me and have my little crimes aganist nature.

thats kinda funny okay i lot funny